These are 10 songs that have always made me uncomfortable. I thought if I got it all out on this proverbial 'paper' the purge would make me feel better about listening to the radio when i don't have my ipod.
1. True - Spandau Ballet - The guy's overly dramatic voice alone sounds gross. He croons like a seal in labor. It's disgusting. This much is tru-ooh...
2. Blinded by the Light - Manfred Mann - Apart from the obvious misconstrued line, "wrapped up like a douche" really being "revved up like a deuce" the whole song is one long line at the OBGYN. I feel grossed out and violated before the first chorus. This is what it sounds like to me: "Little early burly with an anus squirrely whirrly when I needed a ride"...? Not good, nope. Douche...
3. Making Love Out of Nothing At All - Air Supply - This guy's woman-voice is just the beginning of the twisted feelings of sexual tension. "And I know just where to touch you"...this line, when I was a kid, would draw a vivid picture in my brain of some bearded child molester trying to coax me into his windowless van. Yuckiness...
4. You Needed Me - Ann Murray - Clearly a tale only a stalker could tell. Either that, or this is one person with a major co-dependency issue. See for yourself...
5. I'm Just a Girl - No Doubt - Gwen Stefani's voice in this song is like listening to a guinea pig trying to escape from under the wheel of a truck. Her red lips in the video really bother me too, reminding me of a giant clam-like suction cup.
6. Under The Bridge - RHCP - Okay, I'm going to offend some of my peeps here, but this song grosses me out. It may be because it's such a departure from their usual sound but I think the metaphor - a city as a woman is what bothers me most. The chorus at the end leaves me awash with grit.
7. Solid as a Rock - Ashford and Simson - Are they singing about constipation? The lyrics "The thrill is still ha ha ha ha ha hot!" makes me really gaggy.
8. Kenny Rogers. Anything this man sings is violating. To make matters worse, his overdone plastic surgery is freakish. Speaking of plastic surgery; I love me some Dolly, but this duet cuts right through to the tender part of gross: "Makin' love with each other..."
9. Another Day in Paradise - Phil Collins - Not only does this song bother me, but Phil Collins' head shape is another matter. Maybe I'm biased by his annoying relationship with Disney, but this song is yucky. It makes me feel bad, as it's indended to, but the way it's worded would indicate he got in trouble for drunk driving or something and was forced to make some kind of public service announcement. "Sir, can you help me?.."
10. Just a Friend - Biz Markie - I sorta like this song, but I've always felt embarrassed for him as he sounds like he's trying to sing underwater after washing down a rufie with a long island iced tea. "Oooh bayBEE YOU-OO..."
What songs make you want to hurl?
Wednesday, September 16, 2009
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5 comments:
I'm actually a fan of #10, but the others I can mostly agree with. Working on my 10 now.
1. I touch myself by Divinyls. I heard later that she said it had nothing to do with masturbation. Whatever lady. Find a decent song writer then and stop creeping me out.
2. Vogue by Madonna. Just embarrassing from day one.
3. Pumps and a bump by MC Hammer. Did he pray just to make it that day? It's bad enough to be a dork in one way, but then you branch out into other areas of dorkdom and it's just sad.
4. My humps by Black Eyed Peas. Really people, why did this get such good reviews? It's almost as embarassing as...
5. Clumsy by Fergie. This has to be one of the biggest jokes played on humanity of all time.
6. Man! I feel like a woman by Shania Twain. Crap in, crap out.
7. Cherry pie by Warrant. To think they weren't 12 when they made this is insane.
8. Back that "azz" up by Juvenile. I listened to this in the gym this morning. I was the only guy there, but there were 3 women. I wanted to apologize to each of them.
9. Chains of love by Erasure. Together me and my baby are gonna break what chains of love?
10. Rose colored glasses by Ronnie Milsap. Ok, the dude's blind I think, so I already felt bad for him, but then this song came out when I was just a kid and I spent most of my childhood feeling bad for this uber wealthy blind dude. No more Ronnie.
1. Girl....you'll be a woman...SOON! Neil Diamond makes me thing of pedophiles each time I hear this. Ugh!
2. Push it, Salt n Pepa. I always hear "Schnapps! Push It!" It makes me uncomfortable. I hate it when they say "Push it real good."
3. Paradise by the Dashboard Light by Meatloaf. It is just...disgusting. I cheered when he died in "Fight Club."http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=317650089&id=317650048&s=143441
4. "I've Never Been to Me" by Charlene. This woman's breathy longing makes me want to slap her. http://itunes.apple.com/WebObjects/MZStore.woa/wa/viewAlbum?i=3575437&id=3575567&s=143441
5. "Africa" by Toto. Before one could Google lyrics, I was sure they were saying something like "I masturbaaaate down in Africa."
6. Everything on your list, and Olie's. I can't come up with 10, but I'll be back and update as I remember them...
Yes! Paradise by the Dashboard Light! YUCK!!
I totally know what you mean by "I've Never Been to Me." As a kid I always thought she was full of $hit and hated how smug and selfish she seemed by these lyrics.
"You Dropped a Bomb On Me." ---The Gap Band
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