Heritage Night

I've voiced my opinion before on the subject of Salem's school and organized events. Yesterday's out-of-control Heritage Night marks a new low for a school function.

We arrived slightly late as Salem had swimming lessons onto a scene that had already gone south. This event was supposed to be a celebration of the student's family heritage. We were encouraged to bring a dish that represented our country of origin and wear clothing of custom and tradition. But apparently this translates into "Pack all of your extended family that you can cram into your Ford Explorers and Toyota Camrys before stopping at Walmart to snag a $.99 carton of macaroni salad. This way your great grandmothers, grandfathers, aunts and your landlord's cousin's fiance will all eat for free while your child runs around knocking plates out of the hands of other children."

The buffet tables were lined up along the back wall of the gymnasium, covered with Publix fried chicken, 800 pounds of macaroni salads as mentioned above, boil in bag plain rice, whole lemons (don't ask, I guess this is a 'dish' in other cultures) and the occasional pasta and red sauce pile served up in a torched aluminum pan. The only dishes that were interesting at all were the Mexican and Central American dishes. I ended up with a pretty damn good tamale. It had better have been good, as I fought tooth and nail to get it.

Speaking of fighting, these tables were swarmed by both parents and children alike. I could hardly breathe when I was waiting patiently for my turn to approach the food. Parents were pulling spoons out of little kid's hands to help themselves with their dinners, Salem almost got trampled and was screaming "Mommy! Mommy!" yet nobody would move to allow me to grab her. Chuk described this debauchery as a feeding frenzy of sharks on a whale carcass. I couldn't get out of there fast enough. By the time I came up for air, I had no idea what I put on our plates. Turns out I got 3 dried up meatballs, a tablespoon of the 800 pounds of macaroni salads, and a tamale.

Let's add more fuel to the fire by having a group of gals play their rendition of Irish Gaelic covers of 60's folk music while the younger brothers and sisters of the students climb all over the stage! Salem enjoyed herself as she danced to the music but I was left standing there not knowing what to do next. When the music stopped, the swarm of people were just sitting around fat as ticks staring at each other. We took the opportunity to duck out of there.

Man, I sure was glad to get home.