Fill In The Blank...

This is such an odd image of my kid. My brother snapped it while we were in Florida for dad's wedding.

Here's the deal: You guys post a comment and tell me in your creative way, what my child is doing, saying, whatever.

I'm interested in your feedback!

Stinky

This weekend we were all Go-Go-Go. We went to a parade / outdoor festival, a party, went to the pool, had a playdate with 3 kids, and had dinner guests. Whew. Judging by this photo, she sure knows how to mess up my do. She used my bangs as reigns. Sweet!

Evey place we went the kid was sure to point out how 'stinky' it smelled. We met up with Friends on Saturday and walked through a local land trust to get to the Inman Park Festival. She noted that the fresh mulch 'smelled like crap.' I didn't know that word was part of her giant arsenal of vocabulary words, we had to take a moment and understand that we are not to use that word again, and to choose something like 'icky' instead. When we got to the festival, she made sure to let me know that the midway food smelled stinky and 'icky'.

The next day, on the way to the pool we stopped by the dumpster to toss out some household rubbish. She walked up to the trash compactor with me, wrinkled her nose and said,

"Whew, this trash smells reeeeaal stinky." She then noticed the sign on the side of the trash compactor that reads "Resident Trash Only." She turned and said,

"Ha! That's funny--I like how this dumpster has a sign that says "Stinky".

me: "It does have a sign, but it doesn't say "stinky." It says "Resident Trash Only."
her: "Oh. Well, I think they should put up another sign that says 'stinky' because I think it would be good to warn people."

...Perhaps she's on to something.
(photo credit: Alex Strozier)

Dinner Prayer

Stop right here. Below, I'm going to post something an innocent child said about God. Yes, God. So, if you get your panties in a wad when you read stories you don't agree with regarding God, move on to the next blog. Thank you.

Salem had been going to a caregiver a while back, an after school program. There, they prayed before every meal, snack, watching TV, cartwheeling, whatever. It was a little over-the-top but I figured it wouldn't leave any permanent damage.

At home, before a meal one day she bowed her head and placed her hands together for prayer, it went like this:

"God is gooood. God is greaaat. Lets us spank him for our food....All men."

I bit my lip but was able to muster up a correction that didn't reveal my laughter. "Babe, it's 'Let us thank him'..."

She looked at me, then at her food. Confused, she picked up her spoon and shoveled some mac 'n cheese into her face.

Dentist

I brought the kid to her 6 month dental check up today. Much to my relief, she's cavity-free, but here's the real reason I'm stoked:

She has been BEGGING me to go to the dentist for the last 3 or 4 months. I've been shoveling through request after request for a dental visit, it's an obsession with her. Finally, the day came where she GOT TO GO to the dentist and she can just shut up about it already!

When we arrived, she squealed and ran into the back office where she gave her dentist a giant hug. From there, they dissapeared into the room for a cleaning. Awe-struck, I turned to the receptionist in amazment and gently asked her,

"What the heck do you guys do back there that makes my child crave dental vistits?"

In a sweet country accent she replied, " We give 'em glow-in-the-dark headbands, ma'am."

...If that's all it takes, I'm heading straight over to the glow-in-the-dark headband store and stockin' up."

Miss Manners

Salem Hot-Line

Yesterday marked a big milestone. The kid is with her dad this week, and when she's with him I call her in the evenings to chat her up about her day, listen to her stories from school and to say goodnight. Back to the milestone part: She called me! I have been working with her to memorize my phone number in case of an emergency. Well, she remembered it and dialed my number. I was so impressed!

I could tell she was proud of herself too. I told her that we're gonna have to get her some pretty spiffy business cards that read:

Salem V.
Professional Phone Callin' Kid

She liked that.

Tid Bits

We were at dad's wedding this past weekend. I'll post some pics here in a bit, I promise. I just wanted to hammer out some of these quotes from the event before I forget:

"There's bubbles in my brain!" -
This statement was given to Barb's brother Carl (Barb is dad's wife and Salem refers to her as 'mamae') when he asked her how she was doing.

Intrigued by the 'bubbles' statement, Carl began to ask more questions. He asked Salem what she might find if she dug a hole at the beach -
"I guess I'd prolly find bloody monsters or zombies in the sand!"

Quotes from my grammy -
"I don't drink nothing brown. No coffee, no tea, no cola. I just do the Dew."

"I know a Frances that's a girl and a Francis that's a guy. 'Es' is for a girl and 'is' is for a boy. It's different that way."

"I can't believe my hair's flat. I had it set just 3 days ago."

Quote from my brother to a guest at the reception -
"I dunno if you know this but...I'm kind of a big deal."

Quote from 2 year old Wyatt -
"I gonna make sand castle! It have elevators!"

Sayre's big production -
"We're going to put on an Indian Princess Show! Everybody watch us perform!"
This is when Sayre and Salem jumped on stage for the reception and announced that they were the Indian Princesses over and over again while twirling in a circle.

Lost: Dixie Caterpillar

I picked Salem up from the sitter's yesterday. While I was there, I opened her backpack to be sure we had all her belongings. Inside I found her jacket. As I moved it aside to check for more items, the hood unfolded to reveal a dixie cup full of sand. As you might expect, the cup's contents dumped all over the inside of the hood, into the bag and onto the floor.

I ran outside to shake out her belongings. Why the heck was an uncovered cup full of sand in her bag? With that thought hanging over my head, the girl ran outside with tears streaking her face.

She shouted through her tears, "Mom!! Stop it! Don't dump out my sand! That's a house for the caterpillar I found in the back yard and you're dumping it out!"

me: "Babe, I had no idea that this was your caterpillar's house. It looks to me like a cup full of dirt and the dirt has gotten all over your belongings. It's not a great idea to just place an uncovered cup full of sand inside your backpack and expect it not to get all over the place."

her: "But my caterpillar!!"

me: "Next time, just keep your caterpillar house out on the counter and we'll hold it in the car on the way home. Otherwise, it'll just spill if you try to keep it in your bag like this."

This logic didn't seem to sit well with her. I could see her wheels turning but the concept of keeping a cup full of sand out of her bag will remain open for discussion. On another note, no trace of said caterpillar was ever uncovered. With my luck, I'll find its remains mashed into the uphostery of my car.

Bird Teeth

An odd conversation I had with my daughter:

her: "Mom, birds have teeth."
me: "No, actually they don't. Birds have beaks."
her: "Yes, yes they do have teeth...but rolly pollies don't. They can just suck and only eat worms."



her: "Once, I sewed a bird's mouth shut."
me: "What?"
her: "Yeah. But it was a paper bird so it didn't matter.

And I left it at that.

That Barbie House Flavor

Salem turned to me while she was playing with her toys:

her: "Ha! I just licked my Barbie House!"

I ignored this and forged on with what I was doing.

"V"

her: "Mommy, I drew a 'V' on my knee!!"
me: "Um, that's good that you're working on your letters, but lets not draw on our skin, okay?"
her: "Why not? I do it all the time!"
me: "Well, lets stop that little habbit right now. Don't draw on yourself, cool? Let's only draw on paper."
her: "I drew on my shirt yesterday by accident. It's okay though...'cause I just cut out the mistake with tiny scissors I found at school."

I sat and blinked for a moment. Although skewed, there is a tad bit of logic there.

April 1st

I wonder how you teach a kid about April Fools? I want to play a joke on Salem, but I'm nervous...

I josh her all the time, she really doesn't like it. Once, she got upset and started to cry. I told her she needed to learn to laugh, and take a joke. She turned and said, "Mommy, I just CAN'T take a joke!"

You guys have any funny April Fools Day jokes?