Corndog!

I wanted to announce that the kid has a new FAVORITE FOOD! Yes, the child that rarely eats much of anything is now in love with CORNDOGS! She will eat them in a box, she will eat them with a fox. She will eat them on a train, she will eat them on a plane! She loves how they are on a stick.

The trouble is, the frozen corndogs from the grocery store leave much to be desired. However, I have found tiny corndog bites that cook up pretty well.  The trick is, I cook 'em, then skewer about 3 to 4 of them on one chopstick. That way, it's much like the real McCoy. Yay!

Backseat Driver II

Salem was playing with her friends Gavin and Dalton over the weekend. The boys have one of those Powerwheels toys, some sort of kid-4 wheeler. It was the girl's maiden voyage on one of those puppies.

Gavin jumped behind the wheel, and Salem held on in her seat, bumping their little helmets together like balls on a pool table. He stepped on the 'gas' and with a flash they were off. (By flash I mean I can walk faster than that thing. I guess in kid-speed it was pretty zippy.)

Instantly Salem started screaming,
"Nooooooooo Gavin, Noooooooooooo! STOP! Stop Gavin NOW! You're in the middle of the road! Gavin! You're going too fast!"

I waved him down, Salem got off the vehicle. She turned to me and said,
"Whew, mommy! Gavin is a bad driver. Did you see him driving all over the road?"

Great. Looks like Salem got my backseat driving gene for sure.

Dear Google,

What's a matter Google? why you gotta be puttin' so many ads on my blog?

A New Name For Napkins

Salem picked up a napkin from the table this morning, put it right in my face and said,
"They should call this a WIPEKIN instead of a napkin."

You know? That's pretty clever.

Cookies = Good Hygiene

Salem and I made cookies last night to bring to her end of the school year party. She gets so excited about helping in the kitchen; she pulls out her little step stool and gets right up to the counter. It's very cute.

Her job was to mix the flour, salt and baking soda together while i whipped the butter and sugar. I opened the vanilla, and had her pour it in my mixture while I broke the eggs. She shoved her little head almost inside the mixing bowl in order to deeply breathe in the cookie batter goodness. This is when she stopped short.

her: "Mom? This cookie dough smells kinda funny!"
me: "Really? I think it smells deeee-licous!"
her: "Well, I think it smells like hand sanitizer! But that's okay. I'll eat them anyway."

I thought for a moment...why does she think this dough smells like hand sanitizer? Then I realized I had splurged and bought real Tahitian vanilla extract, which has alcohol in it. That's when my mind flashed forward to a time when she is all grown up, sipping wine at a tasting and listing all its characteristics. That kid, God bless her, is a super taster just like her mommy.

Tasty Breath

This morning while we were getting ready for school, Salem calls out to me:

"Hey mom! I can taste my own breath!"
me: "Oh really? What's it taste like?"

She smacked her lips together a few times and reported,
"It tastes like the dirty bathroom at Grandma's house..."

me: "Gross! Why don't you head into the bathroom and brush those teeth!"

Paper Never Tasted So Good

My friend Alison recently acquired a new dog. She was over the other night telling Salem and I all about her new pet. For one reason or another, the issue of dogs getting into cat food was brought up. Salem quickly took this opportunity as her 'in' to the conversation.

"Yeah, dogs do eat cat food!" She said. She then went on with her cat food tangent with another admission,
"Cat food is good. I eat cat food!"

With this, Alison turned to Salem and said,
"No you don't. That's silly. Little girls don't eat cat food!"

Salem looked down at her hands, then with her eyes lowered and a smirk on her face blurted out,
"Yeah, you're right." Quickly under her breath, she uttered, "No... I just eat paper."

Hot Wheels, Salem Beat That!

I ordered Salem her first 'Big Girl Bike'. She was soooo excited to ride it. At first, she was a little nervous, but after she caught on, she really started to enjoy herself. So much so, that when she rode the bike she had a little bit of dialogue planned out for me to announce while she was riding.

I was to say "Hot Wheels, Salem beat that!" and after I said that little number, she would come back around the corner and I was to say, "Hot Wheels, Salem beat this!"

After we repeated this excersise more times than I'm willing to admit, she planned some more dialogue. This time, as she road away from me, I was to say, "Salem's bike is totally awesome, she's really cool, and has a helmet with a kitty on it and is really cool." I was to say this 5 times.

Song Gone Wrong

I have no idea what kid music is like these days so I stumble around itunes searching for evidence of child-song popularity mixed with what I see on Nickelodeon commercials.

I downloaded this one tune that looked like a blockbuster, it was uber popular. I think it's from High School Musical. The lyrics go like this "You want it, oh oh you want it! Fame and fortune and more!"

But, here's Salem's version: "You want it, um, um, you want it. Fame and fortune and HOLE!"

Just like every other kid song, the chorus is all she sings. And when you hear the song once in the beginning of the day, slam! That chorus is what you get for the rest of the afternoon.

For the love of blood

We were at the park the other day playing on the playground. A little boy and his dad showed up to play. Salem pointed to the scab on her knee and said to the little boy, "See, my scab is so bad it turned yellow!"

The dad knee jerked a quick "Ew!" before he realized it. He turned to me and apologized. I immediately said, "Oh, that's no big deal. We're not offended. Salem adores scabs, gore and the like..."

This is when my kid jumped off the bottom of the slide and yelled out "Yeah! I LOVE blood!"