Pill Times

I picked up some prescribed medication from the drug store and was instantly annoyed when I read the dosage:

"Take 1 pill with your morning meal and 1 pill with your evening meal."

Feeling like it would be unlikely I'd remember to take it twice a day, I set an alarm on my phone that would sound around breakfast and dinner time.

The breakfast alarm sounded just as anticipated while Salem was watching her morning Spongebob episode. She freaked out (she hates loud noises) and yelled, "Mom! what's that noise?! Make it stop!!"
I replied, "It's mom's phone-alarm to remind her to take her pill."

Later that evening, I had some friends over. I was bustling around preparing some food when a call came in on my cell phone. Salem yelled from her bedroom where she was playing, "MOM! Time to take your pill!!" My friend looked at me funny until I had time to explain.

The next day, Salem and I were in line at the Gas Station when again, my phone rang. "Mom! Sounds like it's time to take your pill!" It was funny to see the look on the faces of the strangers around me. Later, I had to explain to her that my phone ring and my phone alarm are two different things and that perhaps she should stop announcing to the world that it was "time for my pill". I was starting to feel like I was on the set of One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest.

PTA

Salem and I went to the first PTA meeting of the year at school. As we walked into the building, we were struck by a wave of moist, hot air. People - we live in Atlanta, it's hot here. My child's school was hotter inside than it was outside, disgusting. Along the wall, the school, in attempt to raise money, was selling slices of cold cheese pizza. Gee, nothing says 'yummy' like eating cold pizza in a cinder block building with a tempurature of 98 degrees coupled with 100% humidity. Fun!

I shuffled through the line, got her some tasty pizza and went to sit in the auditorium to await the pitch from the principal on how to dress for school, be ontime and what to do if your child is sick. I probably have that speech memorized and filed in the back of my brain.

I looked down at Salem and she was red in the face and sweaty. We were 30 minutes into this program, she squirmed in her seat with no sign of the meeting starting and I gently asked, "You look uncomfortable, would you like to leave?"
She stared back at me, grinned and whispered "Yes!"

As we walked out of the building, welcoming the cool breeze, Salem turned to me and said, "Mom, I'd rather go to the doctor and get a shot than go to another one of those PTA meetings!"
I laughed and said "I hear ya, sister!"

Discoveries with Daddy

Salem and her dad were enjoying some quality time last night:

 

Salem's new word:  Onefinity

Her explanation: "Onefinity is where the numbers stop.  You can't count farther than Onefinity.  If you went Onefinity miles, you'd be past the moon and the sun and you'd be in space"

 

 

Salem, Mommo and her dad were bouncing a skyball (a rubber ball that bounces to Onefinity apparently) in the hallway of her house.

 

Salem's battle cries were "I am Irritating!" and "I'm crazy! Even for myself!"

 Later that night, she was home playing with her toys, Chuk peeks in to overhear a conversation...

Two barbies talking: "Let me polish and shine you up with this super-delicious sauce." 

 

Nerds

We were on the road to Florida to visit dad as we passed through a small, sleepy town in Alabama. I noticed large plumes of smoke coming from the horizon. As we approached we discovered the giant billowing smoke-clouds were produced by a huge factory.

Salem yelled at me from the backseat: "Mommy! What on earth is that!?"
me: "It's a factory of sorts."
her: "Wow! Do you think that's where they make nerds?"

I assumed she meant Nerds candy, as I didn't see any mention of World of Warcraft tournaments or see any posters for the band They Might Be Giants.

Miley Cyrus Bedtime

Tonight, my kid asked for a 'baby' good night song. I sang her a song I used to sing when she was wee-small at bed time, Dream A Little Dream by the Mamas and the Papas or Louis Armstrong, whomever you prefer.

After, she asked me to sing her a big 5-year-old song. I was stumped.

"What's a 5-year-old's song?" I asked?
her: "Well, it's a song that I can sing and dance to!"
me: "Why don't you sing one to me, then I'll know for next time!"

She proceeded to sing a Hannah Montana song. It was so cute, as she imitated Miley Cyrus' voice with her southern twang and everything.

Yet, I refuse to sing that song to her. Yeah, I'm not a team player.

Secrets Aren't Safe with Salem

I took Salem to her 5 year status visit at the doctor's yesterday. It was also the first day of school - sadly, it was the only time I could schedule the appointment. When I picked her up from school I asked what was her favorite part of the big first day.

her: "Um...my favorite part of my first day of kindergarten is..." (I could see her wheels turning, she was really trying to come up with something to appease me.) "My favorite part of today is that it's a short day! I'm glad we're going to the doctor so that I can leave this place!"

I uncontrollably laughed out loud then pulled myself together. "You can't think of anything fun that stood out in your mind today?"

Her: "Nope, I'll keep my first answer!"

At the doc appointment, everything went smoothly until the hearing and vision test. Her vision is 20/25, which is fantastic - as she has my genes. Before the miracle of lasik, I couldn't tell the difference between a toilet paper roll and a 7 layer burrito. However, she did not pass the hearing test!

I asked the doctor what he thought, he was sorta stumped. He went on to recommend her to be tested at an auditory center, but he was pretty convinced that she was not paying attention or to use his words, "Being the silly, free-spirited kid he has grown to know." He then bent down to ask her the following:

"Salem, you can you hear your mommy when she talks to you, right?" She nodded. "You can also hear her when she whispers to you, right?"

her: "I can even hear her secrets!"

He turned to me and said, "Well, my guess is that she's just being a weirdo." And with that title, Salem grew a big smile - she loves her weirdo reputation.

Salem with the "itchy paper" doctor visit cloak on.

Salem's first day of school

There was no complaining, whining, stubbornness, or opposition of any kind this morning when we walked Salem to her first day of Montessori Kindergarten. I have to pick her up an hour early from school today as she has a doctor's appointment. After that, we'll come home and post pictures of this big event. I'm one proud mama!

Korean

Chuk took Salem to a Korean restaurant. Since she's been known for eating fish eyeballs, tiny squid, and shrimp chips I suppose her new found love of Bulgogi doesn't surprise me.

Personally, I LOVE Bulgogi. Next time we go out, I'll take her to get some and we can bypass her old fav, the Vietnamese crab cake place.

Open House and a Happless Search Party

I went to that open house today, fully expecting the worst experience ever. I suppose the faculty took notes last year (funny, as I didn't even know they could pen anything apart from signs adorned with big arrows - as this is all you see around the halls at school) and they cleaned up their act. Oddly enough, I'm let down a little. I say this as I was excited to pass on my horror stories to you, gentle readers, but alas, as Mr. Pants would say, "I got nothing."

Here's where my fate took a twist: After the super fun open house, to add insult to injury, I had a scheduled super fun OB appointment. It has been over 5 years since my daughter was born and almost 5 years since the implantation of my IUD. If you're squeamish and possess the characteristics of a immature tween, read no further.

Let me declare I LOVED my IUD, but the time has come my friends for it's removal as it lasts 5 years. My last appointment, a few weeks ago, they had scheduled it for a removal, but they could not find it! I scheduled a new appointment, one that involved OB, Susan the nurse and some Ultrasound technician gal. This is what my adorable OB, Larry called his "search and rescue party". Well, lets just say that sometimes, even with a search party you turn up little results.

There I was, in a dark room in stirrups under a bright lamp with my search party as they proceeded to snag the run-a-way equipment. I've had a child, two surgeries and a lifetime of struggle with PCOS. Needless to say, that area is not as pristine as you'd find in a textbook. His search hurt so badly that when I clenched my jaw in pain, I cracked and chipped my molar. He immediately ceased all prodding and quickly left the room!

On his return, he said I was going to have to come in yet AGAIN, this time on several drugs, one involving opiates - this one was my request but I'll spare the details of the other. If this search party comes up short, I was informed I'd have to have SURGERY to remove said IUD. Dude.

Note to gals out there planning on getting an IUD: Make damn sure you want this device, as it may cause you severe pain, embarrassment, and serious inconvenience. That is all.

Back to School - Hell, Upside Down

Salem starts Kindergarten on Monday. Tomorrow I have to go to her "Open House", or should I say, DeKalb County School's "Mad House." Last year, when she was in Pre-K, the open house was nuts. It was grossly unorganized, people everywhere, long lines for services and PTA enrollment, ect, ect.

The school faculty uses the term "Open House" as a guise to make the event seem enjoyable to the inexperienced, first-timer parent. Technically it's an event that resembles what it must have been like to work on the set of The Poseidon Adventure; without the flooding of course. It's hundreds of parents, speaking a mix of languages wandering around in a mob trying to figure out what the hell they are supposed to do at a Open House. Me? I spend most of my time trying to cut lines and plan my escape. The 'idea' is to sign up for PTA, pay for odds and ends of school supplies, meet your kid's teacher, make sure you child is signed up for school lunch, (if you're participating, which I certainly do. It's a good feeling knowing that her lunch will make it through the day without it being lost, smashed, it getting pilfered, or the contents spilling out all over the floor; all of which have occurred.) sign up to receive a year book, and making sure you have all your emergency contacts filled out for the office staff. But just toss that idea out the window. You're lucky if you even get into the room where these services are offered.

You'd think these things would be simple to pair down and manage easily by forming lines. I just don't understand why this event has to be so difficult and painful. It's almost like going to the DMV or the social security office (that's a completely different experience, one involving urine--story for another time.) except there, you take a number. I suppose I'll blame it on being another wonderfully misguided government program; thanks DeKalb county for the well purposed use of our tax dollars.

Salem's 5th Birthday Party

Lucky for me, Chuk's photos came out much better than mine. My camera is kinda sucky.
Salem and her pals had a great time, and the adults were able to take the edge off with a little Chuck E. Beer.